So I swear not to talk politics here, ever. Fortunately, it isn’t political to mention that the economy is poopy and that people are having some very difficult times. Yours truly included.
Things are not all peaches and gravy (speaking of which, what does that even mean, Scott Pilgrim?).
With that background given, here’s the story.
I went to the bank sometime last week, I believe, to drop off the deposits for the day and got to chatting with our account manager. She’s actually the VP of client relationships or something like that. I dunno. Either way, she’s lovely and just a genuinely nice person.
The bank had been robbed not long before I got there. A person in a fake ‘stache or something or other slipped a teller a note and made off with some amount of money that wasn’t even worth it. So we chatted for a minute about how sad it was that people were so desperate as to do this sort of thing and I meandered off to do the rest of the day’s errands for work.
Then the conversation with AE happened.
Me: It’s crazy, the bank got robbed right before I got there. It sucks that people are so desperate.
AE: Yeah it does. There was a take down robbery at a (insert bank name here) last week. Take down, meaning with guns and everyone down on the ground etc. They got into the vault and made off with a poo-ton of money. These guys were professionals.
Me: Yikes! That sucks. Be careful! (This last bit because AE works for a financial institution, but in the back areas where the execs live, cause she’s badass like that.) I just don’t get it though, it doesn’t seem worth it. You’re gonna get caught.
AE: Not these guys. They really were pros, like their day job pros. The note to the teller thing isn’t worth it. It’s only like 2k. But the vault guys can get more than 20k.
Me: Hmm. I could do a lot with 20k.
AE: It’s not worth it. Think of the jail time.
Me: Yeah… I’m not cut out for jail.
AE: Besides, there’s no Hello Kitty in prison. 
Me: !!!! You’re right. There’s not. Well, screw that then. I’m out. Guess I’ll just have to go back to plan A.
AE: Which was?
Me: You saving up bail money for when I get Chris Evans for Christmas, of course. Duh.
AE: Oh right, how could I have forgotten.
And this, folks, is why I am not a criminal mastermind. One, because I wouldn’t be a mastermind. I’d get caught. That’s why I don’t break rules. I always get caught. Two, because there’s no Hello Kitty in prison. Life just wouldn’t be the same, ya know?
a spoonful of snarky 