No matter how great the inital rush of euphoria at a new relationship is, there comes that time when you want to rip off the other person’s arms and shove em where the sun doesn’t shine.
The same is true of MMOs.
Or really any game. But I’m talking about an MMO so shush up and listen.
Don’t get me wrong, GW2. I still love you. We can still have good times. But I will never forget the night of hell you put me through.
Before I describe the horrific betrayal that I’ve suffered at the hands of my new MMO love, let me give you a little background on me.
I’m clumsy. Not just funny ha-ha, bump into things clumsy. I mean like I trip over nothing in my bare feet, walk into walls, and fall off anything even remotely removed from plumb with the ground (and often fall when things are plumb with the ground).
This actually translates to my in-game self. I fall off stuff right and left. Auto-follow is the bane of my existence, because I will always fall and die or get stuck and die.
So from this information, you should be able to extrapolate that I don’t do a lot of jumping about. It’s just not a healthy passtime.
Back to the game. In EQ2, a game which I used to dearly love, there was the “Worst. Quest. Ever!” tm. It was for Hoo’luh’s hat. Hoo’luh was an owl critter and really sorta cute. Except that he lived on this little cliff thing that was only accessible by a series of jumps executed across chains and platforms.
Yeah. Anyone who sees where this is going, raise your hand. You get a cookie. Everyone else? Just keep reading.
It took me days, DAYS, to get to the goddamned owl to get my hat. And at the end of it all? THE HAT WAS FRELLING UGLY!!!
As aforementioned GW2 has this amazing map that tells you where all the points of interest, vistas, skill challenges, etc are located. I love it. Even as I hate that I know that they are there because I must get them all. I still love it.
So I’m on my pretty little human mesmer, running about with A’s norn engineer (she’s adorable, btw, but not as cute as my character, cause I am colour coordinated). We’re in the 15-25 human zone,
Kessex Hills Diessa Plateau I think it’s called, and cruising along full tilt.
Then we hit a brick wall of total, utter, rage inducing, JUMPING SUCKITUDE.
Clearly the MMO gods heard my cries of pain and rage back in the jumping owl days and decided that it was funny and my tears sustained them. Because we spent the next THREE DAMN HOURS trying to negotiate the jumping challenges to get the skill point and vista for the area we were in.
To add insult to injury, cause you know, it wasn’t bad enough I had to jump in slippers and a skirt where just ANY OLD BODY could look up and see my knickers (which are also tastefully colour coordinated, thankyouverymuch), we were also attacked left and right by ghosts with pet dogs.
GW2 and I had our first fight that evening. We almost broke up. And by that I mean, I almost performed a ritual sacrifice of the laptop to the gods in order to cool their anger at me and to allow me to play again, unhindered by jumping puzzles.
Fortunately, my sailory cursing either amused or irritated someone so much that A and I were finally able to finish the challenge.
Yeah, we hauled ass away from there right after that.
My love affair with GW2 continues. But I still wake up in a cold sweat from time to time wanting to slap the person who thought that was a funny thing to put in. I hope his wife pees in his cheerios, cause that would be a funny thing too.