Tag Archive | why i shouldn’t be allowed out without a handler

Today’s post is brought to you by…

Far too little sleep. And possibly sugar. If I’m lucky, anyway.

It’s been a lot of book reviewing here lately and not much else. Which, all things considered, is only half reflective of what I’ve been doing with my time.

Yes, there’s been a ton of reading. Sort of makes sense and all, seeing as how I do that writing thing and I’ve been reading since I could say beer. Don’t ask me why the two are related, because they’re probably not at all.

Other things!

TV. Yes, I know it’s a time sink with little to no redeeming value, but darnit, I love my shows!

Started watching BSG (the new one) for the first time ever. A put it on and said “It’s good. Watch.” So I did. Way less cheesy than I remember the original (via reruns, thank you, I am not THAT old) being. Pretty darn good actually. I love Boomer and I don’t CARE if she’s a toaster. So HAH! We’re almost to the end of season two. After we’re done with BSG, I’m gonna make A watch Caprica with me again, cause I really liked that, too. It makes perfect sense to me that drug dealer Jesus (also known as Eric Stoltz – don’t judge, that’s really what he looks like in Pulp Fiction) would be the one to start us on the road to destruction. Sort of like the people who invented Watson (I for one, welcome our new computer overlords) have laid the groundwork for Skynet.

We’re also watching Hell’s Kitchen, OF COURSE!! I’m calling Mary or Jon. Gordon Ramsay is the poo. And then there’s all that drama from Kitchen Nightmares. Seriously people, why ask to be on the show if you don’t really want him to fix your shit? He’s Gordon f***ing Ramsay. Trust me when I tell you that he knows more about running a restaurant than you do.

The day job has been… interesting to say the least. I know that I was tearing my hair out when I was juggling all the management, but I can honestly say that I’d rather go back to that than deal with the inanity I have now. I guess details will have to wait for the individual causing the havoc to be immortalized as a character in a book. Cause good grief. The person is almost unbelievable.

There are probably other things. Like A and I saw Iron Man 3. OMG! Loooved it. Need to do so many TV and movie reviews. Obviously I need to win the lottery so that I can update all the stuff I need to. Yeesh.

Special treat tomorrow! And on the 22nd. Guest blogs from Jenna Bennett and Diane Alberts. Squeee! I love guest blogs. And their books. You should totally go read their books!

And so that this post isn’t beyond boring… I leave you with:

avenger-dogs

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For Anna

So there’s this lovely woman on twitter. Her name is Anna Meade. She dresses like Hermione Granger for Halloween and she’s a Dark Fairy Queen. She’s also getting married, sings, and is totally adorable.

Being a writerly type, it only makes sense that she has a writerly type bridal shower online with other freaky people.

Because I heart her tons, here’s my entry!

Moss flitted between the three tables of fairies making wedding favors. Everything had to be perfect, not just because she was coordinating the wedding of the year, but because the Dark Fairy Queen was the one getting married! If ever there was a time for perfection, this was it.

“Excuse me. Are you or are you not supposed to be making sugar swans?” Moss tapped her dainty foot and glared about her. “These look more like ducks! DO IT AGAIN!”

Checking her list, she drifted past the other tables. Snowdrop and bluebell centerpieces were coming along nicely, as were little balls of nectar shaped into small suns.

“Um, Moss? I’m not quite sure… That is – I think there’s a problem.” Cowslip cringed and held out a note.

Snatching the leaf from her assistant, she read the note. With each word her face fell further and a dark cloud started to gather above her head. Moss’s delicate green-brown wings beat furiously.

“What do they MEAN no unicorns?!? There have to be unicorns! The whole opening ceremony depends on them!”

All the work stopped as her wail of despair carried through the meadow.

“It’s all ruined. We may as well call it all off right now!” Moss threw herself onto a tree stump and burst into tears.

Cowslip looked at her fellows for help, but none would meet her eyes. They bent industriously to their tasks, leaving the pale blue fairy to smooth everything over. Sighing and vowing to remember their cowardice, Cowslip settled gingerly next to Moss on the stump.

“You’re the best there is, Moss. This wedding will be splendid, with or without unicorns. All because of you.”

A small sniffle greeted her words.

Encouraged, Cowslip reached out and smoothed Moss’s tousled curls. “In fact, I just know that you’ll come up with something far better than some smelly unicorns. They’re probably not even house broken. Imagine if the Queen ruined a slipper in a pile of unicorn mess!”

A choking laugh escaped the pile of miserable fairy next to her.

Moss sat up and threw her arms around her friend. “I’ve been a little crazed, haven’t I?”

“Oh… not so very much.”

“Liar.” A radiant grin transformed Moss’s face. “You’re the best friend a fairy could have. I don’t know what I’d do without you!”

“Get buried by a distressed unicorn, no doubt.”

“Quite right! So we need something just as whimsical with much smaller droppings. What can we get in a hurry?”

“Size of droppings should always be a consideration in our planning from now on.” Cowslip’s face was perfectly straight. Not even the hint of a smile, although her eyes twinkled like stars.

Moss nodded. “Oh absolutely. I can’t believe that we didn’t think of it earlier.” She’d missed the joke entirely.

“I KNOW! We’ll use wombats! They’re soft and fuzzy and we’ll be able to corral them to minimize the chance of stepping in anything!”

“Yes, I’m sure that will be so much better.”

The crisis had been averted. For now. There were still four more days until the wedding and so much more could happen. Cowslip made a mental note to stock up her mother’s headache remedy. It was going to be a long week!

I am alive. Really!

I have a laundry list of excuses for why I haven’t updated in so long.

The only one that is really true is that I’ve been buried under work. Of course, right now I am totally neglecting some of that work to drop a note here to the 4 people who read my blog and let them know that I really am alive and haven’t forgotten them!

I owe you guys a couple of book reviews. It isn’t that I haven’t been doing book reviews, just ya know. Not for you guys.

But I promise that I will post at least one by the end of the week.

In other random news:

  • I was in a wedding. I think I look like a blueberry in my dress, but my friend (the bride, who I think is obligated to love me) thought I looked lovely, so there ya go.
  • I gave blood yesterday and you can still see the needle marks from where they stuck me and where they tested my iron levels.
  • I am watching The Following (review coming soon), Downton Abbey (also), and all my other shows (even though I’m really far behind and need to catch up.
  • I have watched The Life of Pi (liked it more than I thought I would), Silver Linings Playbook (yes, I know, I need to write reviews, I will STOP YELLING AT ME!), Rise of the Guardians (ohdeargodilovethissomuch), and a couple of other movies that I’ve forgotten right now.
  • I really am swamped with work.
  • I’m applying for new jobs because of aforementioned swampage (that and ya know, more munnies).
  • There are kittens on my porch that need a good home. They’re cotton balls with legs. Really cute ones!
  • I made a gingerbread house with my kiddo. In March. Cause that’s just how I roll.

I sincerely promise to post regularly once again in between gaming, crocheting, reading, working, and getting off my fat ass to write.

MWAH! *blows kisses*

Oh and since every post really SHOULD have a cute picture… Here. Have a bunny with a pancake on its head 🙂

bunny_pancake

Boobs!

Mostly because I feel the need for some humor today.

But also because it’s relevant to the post.

At my current day job, we do a secret santa thing every year. I picked our receptionist. We call her my work daughter, she’s just about 18 in a week or so. boobsShe’s funny and silly and at times, she’s dingy.

I got some pretty good news today that I’m super excited about.

So, it started out with that.

D: I’m so excited. I’m crossing my fingers, my toes, everything!

Me: Me too! *I then unzip my hoodie to show her my Tinkerbell shirt*

D: *wide eyes* OMG! You can cross your boobs?!?!

Me: No, dork. I was showing you my shirt. My boobies are not floppy enough to cross!

(Btw, this is not embellished. This was how the conversation actually went. I don’t need to make things up with this girl for comedy purposes!)

Me: Oh! Before you open the doors and get ready for the food share, I need you to check your email.

D: Why? What did I do?

Me: Nothing, silly. I just need you to check your email.

D: *scared look*

Me: It’s okay! I wouldn’t fire you through email.

D: Oh god.

We chose secret santas a couple of weeks ago, and I got her. Which made shopping super easy, since I know this young woman like she’s my own daughter. But I have issue with secrets. I’m terrible at keeping the kind that involve gifts. I can’t NOT tell someone if I got them something I’m really excited about and think they’ll be happy with. I also can’t stand not knowing what I got. I used to be one of those unwrap in secret and rewrap gifts people. Actually, I still would be if A wouldn’t hide shit so well.

Anyway. I asked D who she’d gotten and of course, trusting darling that she is, she told me.

Then she asked me who I got. Pft. Right. Not that it wasn’t hard to keep it a secret, but I totally did. So she wandered out of my office feeling cheated and even though people suggested to her that maybe it was because SHE was my secret santa, she didn’t believe it. Why? Because she knew that I would have told her.

So she checked her email.

And of course, there was nothing there yet.

ARUGH.

D: Omg. You were my secret santa, weren’t you?!!

Me: Yep!

D: Omg, I had no idea!! And S even told me it was probably you!

I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Fortunately, she laughed too, so it’s all good!

 

Today is a sad day for all of us. Take a few minutes to think about the good in life and hug someone you love and who makes you smile. And pass along a smile to someone else.

I should invent brain bleach…

I have this bff. We’ve known each other long enough that our friendship is old enough to drink.

One of our little rituals involves my drive to work (which is godawfully long and a pain in my hinie, I’ll explain why another day). I spend a lot of time in the car, so I listen to music. Specifically Jack FM, which plays just music so I don’t get bored listening to some ninny blather about stuff I couldn’t possibly care less about. (Poor grammar FTW!)

So, I text her a line or two of a song and she sings back.

The other day I texted her this:

“You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round, round!”

AE: You just sang the whole song. I have nothing to add but “ditto”!

me: That’s okay. You can just think of *****.com! (No, I won’t link it here. It’s NSFW. I find it insanely hilarious. If you MUST know, email me.)

Please note at this juncture that I was not intentionally breaking my friend. I just can’t hear the song without thinking of the website. So I shared, assuming that she’d already seen it. I was so very wrong.

AE: I just clicked on that. OMFG!!!

me: hahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahaha

AE: I threw up a little in my mouth.

me: Bahahahahahahahahahaha

AE: I’m in a serious meeting, too. Thanks a LOT.

me: (laughing out loud in the bank and getting funny looks) Oh god. Can’t breathe. I may die. So worth it.

I’m sure she wishes that there were such a think as brain bleach and that she had some. I need to figure out how to invent it. Cause seriously, there are some things you just can’t unsee.

Proof that I am not all ceiling cat: I may have shared said website with many, many of my friends.

Should you choose to email me wanting the URL, please be forewarned. When I say NSFW, I truly mean it 🙂

I’m a menace to myself…

I can admit this.

I fall, a lot. I trip over nothing. I do that thing that Jamie Lee Curtis did in True Lies with the high heels, in sneakers or my bare feet.

Essentially, I’m just dangerous to myself.

So yesterday, I was running an errand for work. Picking up food for a meeting. Believe it or not, that part all went just fine.

I carried the box into the office with my car keys in my hand. I set down the box and started unloading the food and cleaning up the kitchen counter.

After everything was all pretty and ready to go, so was I.

Just one little tiny problem.

No car keys.

What the hell?

I had them. I knew I had them, cause the car beeped. So I started looking around where I’d been working. Nope. No keys.

I wasn’t really worried, cause I know me. I know they’re somewhere near by and that I’ve probably looked at them four times and just not seen them.

Ten minutes later, I was totally freaking out, cause I couldn’t find the darn things to save my life. I had four people looking for these stupid keys.

* sigh *

I finally found them. In the trash can.

Yeah.

Don’t ask me how they got there, it’s really still a mystery in my mind. I just thank goodness that there was nothing gross in the trash. Just a couple of cardboard boxes. Whew.

All the same. I really need a keeper.