Archives

Let’s talk about ArcheAge

So. I love me some video games. Not quite as much as I love books, but there’s a lot to be said for strapping on some armor that barely covers your lady bits and not really anything important and running out to kick some goblin/orc/whatever ass.

Fantasy games are my cup of tea. Although I can usually be persuaded to try out other genres of games, I rarely stay with them for long, preferring to get my elf back on. There’s one notable exception to this rule, but we’ll discuss that later.

I’ve worked in the game industry, so I feel for what game designers, publishers, etc go through to put a game on the market and that not everything goes as smoothly as originally planned. The best laid plans of mice and men, as you well know.

And now to the point!

The most recent offering on the market in fantasy gaming is ArcheAge. It is originally an Asian game being produced and distributed in the US by Trion. Trion made news when they first opened by going with the ballsy move of having three games in simultaneous production with no games out earning money. It didn’t totally pay off for them, but it did give us Rift, which doesn’t suck and is a fun way to spend some time. It had a few really great game innovations that I hope to see become standard features in future games.

Now, distributing and producing someone else’s game comes with a few caveats, one of which is usually that you don’t have a ton of control over content etc.

Unfortunately, I think that this is going to end up being a black eye for Trion.

Why?

Cause the game is fucking frustrating as all get out. This is a fairly significant statement from me, because as with movies, my usual rating criteria for anything is “Does it entertain me?” and if the answer is yes, we’re golden. The problem that I have, is that while yes the game does entertain me, it also presents enough roadblocks to my game play and enjoyment that I basically want to claw someone’s eyes out.

The Good:

We’ll start with the positives. I like the graphics. They’re pretty and not everything is brown, which is a pretty big deal.

The character creation is okay. It isn’t terrifically involved to the point where it takes me a good half hour plus to make my character, but it’s detailed enough to make me happy.

I like the way they’ve done the classes. You get the four main fantasy categories and from there you can customize your class as you wish as you level up and gain points to spend. It makes for a bit of variety and you get to feel like you have a little more control over what your character is throwing around.

The mounts. Love them! They’re adorbs and your first one is for frees as part of a quest (if you don’t skip the quest like some folks *coughmecough* did).

Chris Evans’ biceps in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. No, this has nothing to do with the game, but they really should be mentioned at every possible opportunity, because Chris Evans. Seriously.

I don’t hate the questing system. It’s pretty standard. Go kill these things that are causing problems, etc etc etc. We’re on rails as opposed to being sandboxy, which is just fine for me. It isn’t one of the things that I get irked about.

Crafting! I love crafting and harvesting and all things related to. It’s fun to create. The system is involved enough to not be totally dull, but it isn’t like, say, Aion or Final Fantasy XIV pre-relaunch. Or even really post relaunch for that matter.

Free to play. There once was a time when I was all about paying a monthly sub for a game. No problem at all. Provided that said game held my attention and provided what I considered fair value for my money. As more and more games come out, I can’t afford subs for all of the ones that I am interested in playing, nor are they really producing a game that I feel deserves a $15 a month commitment from me. So free to play is a big selling point. And if I like something about the game enough to spend some money on it, woohoo.

The Bad:

The free to play model being used. I know, I just said that free to play was a good thing. And it is. Provided that the model isn’t too restrictive and doesn’t give me the impression that I am being forced to give them money that I am not prepared to shell out. Unfortunately, that is exactly the feeling that I have about this game. For several reasons.

1) Labor points – Actions cost labor points. Harvesting costs labor points. Crafting costs labor points. Opening and identifying loot costs labor points (or it did in beta, I haven’t been able to get in long enough to see if this still applies without patron status). Without purchasing patron status, one earns a total of five labor points every 10 minutes of game play. That is, you must be logged in to the game in order to get labor points. Harvesting an iron node, costs 10 labor points. If the rare spawn special node appears after your initial iron gather, that’s another 20 labor points. 30 points total. 60 minutes of game time in order to get some iron. Don’t even get me started on the costs for crafting things. Even as part of a quest, crafting costs a significant number of labor points.

2) Harvesting/Crafting – As previously mentioned, these things cost labor points. One the one hand, that isn’t a terrible thing, if you spend a few hours questing and whatever, you have enough labor points to do at least some harvesting. Sort of. Crafting on the other hand. I did a quest wherein I had to craft a pair of gloves. It required 100 labor points. I couldn’t complete the quest until I was ready to move to the next quest hub. Frustrating.

3) Houses/Farms – I like houses. I am crap at decorating them, because I have like zero artistic ability when it comes to any sort of visual. Even my stick figures are sad. I’m okay with this. My house ends up looking a little like an antique shop with crap crammed in every available corner and no real rhyme or reason. But I still like to have the house and I still like to make stuff to cram into my corners. I also like (as mentioned before) harvesting. Having my own little farm and getting to plant things/have livestock, gives me a happy little tingle in my crafting place. So, it would seem that this really ought to go in the good category, right?

Well it would. Except for one little, tiny, annoying ass detail. You can’t own any sort of property unless you purchase patron status, which starts out at $15 a month. So, no house. No farm. Which then follows, no crafting in the cookery area with anything that can’t be grown on the public farms, which are severely limited. Which also means, no quest completion for any quest requiring you craft with ingredients not zoned in the public farm areas. Yes, I ran into this special little hell in beta and lemme tell ya, I was pissed. Like, I had to turn the game off and go read to get my happy back.

4) Queues – I get it. You don’t want to stand up a hundred servers at launch, only to have to consolidate in a month or so when people get bored and wander back to whatever other games they cycle through. That’s fine. But when you have people who can’t play your game without sitting in a queue for six hours (no shit on this, sometimes it takes this long), your game is really not going to do well.

Not only do you have to sit in the queue to play, you have to sit in the queue to create a character. Which means if you create a character on a server, after having been in queue for three hours, and it turns out that it is not the server that your significant other is playing on, you must then go to the correct server and sit in the queue for another three or four or eight hours just to CREATE A GODDAMN CHARACTER. And since you only have two (without paying for more, of course) you’re kind of fucked if he decides to move. Because in order to delete the character on the wrong server to free up that space? You guessed it. You sit in the fucking queue.

Which leads us to my ultimate rage.

5) Patron status – Basically you pay a sub to play the game. Which is fine. Believe me, I understand. It’s a business and ultimately they need to make money so that people stay employed and they can keep making games. I support this all over the place. My current favorite game, which also happens to be free to play, has hit on a model that has gained well more than $1000 out of us in the past year. Which, doing the math, is quite a bit more than they’d have gotten if we’d been paying a $15 a month sub. Even for both of us.

Patron status gets you: the ability to own property. You can have that house and that farm. If you can find land that wasn’t bought up during the head start and is being held for ransom by those folks who are charging stupid amounts of in game money for it. (Please note, that my SO caved and bought patron status, because he wanted the full game experience. He has discovered, on his server, that there is still property available, but you have to go out into the boonies to find it.) But then, there are assholes in every game. But, lemme just say, if I’m paying you money in your free to play game for something and I can’t get it? You need to give me back my gorram money. In an actual fucking hurry.

Patron status gets you: more labor points. You earn at twice the rate while online AND you can even earn labor points when you’re offline at a rate of five points every 10 minutes. That’s not a bad deal. Cause you’re gonna need that extra labor to build that house. But is this really worth $15 a month? Fuck. No. Especially when the biggest reason (property ownership) for having patron status is not happening cause of a bunch of douche canoe fuck shovels. Oh and there’s nothing in the works to solve this problem. So basically, it’s “Yeah, we know you’ve paid us x number of dollars, but too fucking bad”. That doesn’t really bode well for my relationship with this game. Just saying.

And on to my number one beef with Patron status.

Patron status gets you: the ability to bypass the queue and log directly into game.

So with the current status of the queues (and let’s not forget that I can’t create, delete, or play a character on any server without waiting for three, four, or six hours in a queue) I cannot play the game. Because after six hours of waiting in a fucking queue, you can bet your sassy little hinie that I have found myself something else to occupy my time. Like another game. That doesn’t force me to buy a $15 sub to play a free to fucking play game.

This feature especially makes me feel like I am being forced to pay money to play a game that advertises as free to play. A game that advertises as one of its biggest selling points, the crafting and housing systems. That you cannot experience or experience fully, without giving them money.

No matter how much I like aspects of this, I cannot and will not give them a fucking penny of my money, simply because I feel like they are trying to force me to spend. Rather than give me a game to play and then give me some really attractive things that I WANT to throw my money at them for, they are essentially charging a monthly fee to play a game that they’ve advertised as not having a monthly fee.

Nope.

Just no.

TL:DR

There are some cool things about the game, and I pretty much enjoy it. However, I will not be spending my time or my money on it, because they’ve put in place some douchey fucking policies that make it a waste of my time and a rip off in the bargain.

I’ll save my money on this and find somewhere better to spend it. Like at Starbucks.

Playing a new game!

Wildstar just released. Think Firefly with cute bunny eared critters and such.

A full review will probably find its way here in the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, I thought I’d entertain the four people who read this with a couple of actual text message conversations spawned by my time in Wildstar thus far.

Oh and *puts on braggy pants* my buddy Stargrace is the CM for the game. Yeah, that’s right. Be envious!

WARNING!!! Contains profanity. Cause I get irksome.

***

me: Trying to get to Thayd. But these guys are needy f*ckers and keep adding more tasks to my list.

They’re all like, well since you’re there…

And I’m like omg get your own damn eggs!

A: lol

me: And they’re all, come on. It’s a couple of flower petals. What could go wrong?

And I’m like omg fine. But after this shwarma. And then the flower’s guardian spirit jumps my ass.

And I’m like f*ck shwarma. You bitches owe me lobster.

A: lmao

me: And then they’re all, oooh look! You leveled. And I’m like goddamn right bitches. Cause you had me killing every living thing on the f*cking planet. What kind of hippie treehuggers are you?!?!?

Space monkeys.

Terrifying space monkeys. Killed me.

A: lmao

me: Oh sure. Laugh it up.

You weren’t covered in space monkey poop.

***

If you’re getting the notion that my tribulations provide endless amusement… You’d be right. Now, pardon me, while I go deal some serious revenge killing on some pixilated space monkeys.

Two Weeks Til ONE!!!

Two weeks till One

That’s right! ONE will be all official and stuff in just two short weeks. I ❤ Leigh Ann a bunch, she’s a sweetie and I’m totally stoked to be able to tell everyone how much I love her book. Seriously, it’s awesome!

And I have the comic to prove it!

part4-2

If you would like to see the rest of them, you can find them at the blogs of all the lovely people below! There will be more coming up, so keep your eyes on Leigh Ann’s twitter 🙂

Tuesday, May 28th – Installment #1

Jolene at Pen and Muse

Catherine Scully

Amber Maudlin

Kat Ellis

Wednesday, May 29th – Installment #2

Clare Davidson

Jessi Shakarian

Rebecca Mahoney

Thursday, May 30th – Installment #3

J.A. Ward

Elyse G (@brainywordsmith)

Jamie Krakover

Friday, May 31st – Installment #4

Jani Grey

JC Lillis

Rachel Solomon

Monday, June 3rd – Installment #5

Megan Whitmer

Helen Boswell

Michelle Smith

Jenna Bennett on Tall, Dark, and Divine

Good morning my lovelies!

I promised you a treat today and here it is! I reviewed Tall, Dark, and Divine the other day (loved it!) and today I have the privilege of hosting a guest post by the author, Jenna Bennett. She’s an absolute darling and I am eagerly setting aside some moola to read more of her work.

I mentioned that my favorite character was Dion(ysus) in part because he’s hilarious. It seems that Jenna agrees with me, because he is in most of her favorite scenes.

If you like what you read here (and I’m sure you will) you can find Tall, Dark, and Divine here:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Entangled Publishing

Kobo

iTunes

About Jenna:

Jennie Bentley is the author of the New York Times bestselling Do-It-Yourself Home Renovation mysteries from Berkley Prime Crime, while Jenna Bennett writes the USA Today bestselling Cutthroat Business mysteries for her own gratification. Jenna is also the author of various forms of romance, from contemporary to futuristic, and from paranormal to romantic suspense, including the award-winning Fortune’s Hero, first in the Soldiers of Fortune series, and JennaAuthorPic3winner of a 2012 SFR Galaxy award for best Enemies to Lovers story.

A former Realtor® and renovator and current full-time author, Jenna/Jennie lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with a husband, two kids, an African dwarf frog, a goldfish, and a hyper-active dog. Originally from Norway, she has spent more than twenty years in the US and still hasn’t been able to kick her native accent.

Where you can find her:

Website: http://www.jennabennett.com/

Blog: http://jenniebentley.blogspot.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Bennett_Jenna

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jenna-Bennett-Jennie-Bentley/192400104127600?fref=ts

And now *drumroll* the moment you’ve all been waiting for (or scrolling down to read 😉 ):

******

Top 5

I love to laugh.

Most people do, I guess, so that makes me no different from anyone else.

But that’s one of the reasons writing Tall, Dark and Divine was so much fun. I’ve written close to twenty books by now, some of them more and some less laugh-out-loud funny. They’ve all had their own brand of enjoyment. But TD&D was probably the best for sheer number of ROFL moments. I cracked myself up writing, and that’s always a good sign.

A large part of the reason why the book is so LOL funny is Dionysus, Greek god of wine and debauchery, owner of the bar in which the characters in the book hang out.

The hero in TD&D is Eros, Greek god of love, and Dion is Eros’s best friend. And their exchanges are pretty damn funny. Unlike Eros, who is the hero and as such has to be somewhat perfect, Dionysus doesn’t have to impress, and so I didn’t have to hold back when it came to writing him. He’s foul-mouthed, opinionated, sexist, and your classic a**hole alpha male, and he’s also a ton of fun to write and read.

Here’s a snippet of conversation, lifted from chapter 3, of Dion trying to talk Eros out of the funk he’s been in since his ex-wife, Psyche, left him.

Warning: there are a lot of f-bombs in this book, so if that isn’t your thing, you may want to stop reading now.

“I think you oughta get back on the horse,” Dion said, and brought him back to earth.

“Horse?”

“Saddle. You know what I mean. Find a woman and remind yourself what you’ve been missing.”

Eros shook his head. “I’m never getting involved with a mortal again.”

“I’m not saying you get involved with her,” Dion said. “You tried that. It didn’t work.” He shook his head. “We’re gods, man. We’re not meant to stay with just one woman.”

Right.

“You gotta spread the gift around, know what I mean? Every woman deserves a night in the sack with a god.”

“Sure.” Whatever. “But I’m the fucking god of love, Dion. What’s the world coming to, if the fucking god of love just wants to get fucked?”

“Seems to me you already did,” Dion said.

And then there’s this one, after Eros walks Annie home – Annie is the heroine – and ends up in bed with her, and then goes back to Dionysus’s Bar looking for Harry Mitchell, the guy he intends to set Annie up with.

“He left a few minutes after you walked out. Why? Were you gonna hurt him?” He looked delighted at the prospect.

The thought had crossed Eros’s mind. However— “No. Annie told me she wants him. I’m gonna get him for her.”

Dion tilted his head and contemplated him. “What did you do wrong?”

“Nothing,” Eros said. “It was before.”

“Before you showed her paradise. You did show her paradise, right?”

Eros shrugged. “She seemed to enjoy herself.”

“Not exactly the rousing confidence I was hoping for,” Dion said, “but it’ll do. So you took this woman home and nailed her, and she let you, and even kept her shoes on while you did—”

“That wasn’t deliberate.”

“Sorry to hear it. Even so, what makes you think she still wants Harry?”

“She said she did,” Eros said.

“Before you fucked her. And seeing as you’re the fucking god of love, when you fuck someone, they stay fucked, right? They don’t want anyone else afterward.”

“Will you knock it off with the fucking?”

“When I’m dead,” Dion said, and added, “which will be never, since I’m immortal.”

Of course, Eros hasn’t thought through his plan for putting Harry and Annie together very well, and as a result, their first date is a bit of a disaster. Annie works in a dog bakery, selling peanut butter bones to dog owners, and Harry owns a Schnauzer, Fiona. Annie has used Fiona as an excuse to talk to Harry, and when Harry shows up for the date, it’s with Fiona in tow. They end up walking to the dog park, where Harry buys Annie a hot dog and a Diet Coke. And this exchange takes place:

She waited for him to start talking to her—he had asked her out, after all, not vice versa—but when the silence lengthened and he didn’t speak, she said, “Fiona looks like she’s having fun.”

Harry nodded.

“How long have you had her?”

“Two years,” Harry said, around his hot dog.

“Is she your first, or did you grow up with dogs?”

Fiona was Harry’s first.

“Did you always want one?”

“I heard chicks like dogs,” Harry said.

Annie blinked. “Is that so?”

“Well.” Harry shrugged. “Look at you.”

Harry does wise up eventually, with the help of Eros and his golden arrows, and realizes that Annie is the only woman for him. By that point, Eros has realized the same thing, of course, and things come down to a big showdown in the Plaza Hotel, with arrows flying and people getting shot. And not always the people who should be shot, either.

“Now!” Dion said, and Eros let go of the arrow. It zinged through the air with a high-pitched whine, over the heads of the other diners—almost getting lost in the elegant upsweep of a Park Avenue matron’s hair and narrowly missing a tuxedo-clad waiter—before hitting Brita in the shoulder.

Fuck.

“Oops,” Dionysus murmured, as the Cretan goddess of hunting stopped in her tracks. Eros lowered the bow, cringing.

After a second, she turned to look at him, and he felt the force of her glare all the way to his soul. Moron.

“Sorry,” he mouthed. Brita scowled.

“Shit.” Dion’s hands flexed. “Guess we’re done for. Sorry, man. It was a good try, but—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Eros growled. 

In front of them, Brita reached up to pull the arrow out of her shoulder. She turned to Harry with it in her hand. It looked like she hesitated for a second, before she lifted it and plunged it into Harry’s chest.

Eros held his breath. For a second, nobody moved. Harry’s eyes widened. He clutched his chest and staggered. In slow motion, his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. And then they rolled back in his head and he crumpled to the floor.

And finally, after Brita slings Harry over her shoulders, like Robin Hood with his steer, and walks out of the Palm Court, Eros and Annie work things out between them. It necessitates a trip to Zeus, head of the Olympians. Zeus and his wife Hera live in a row house on Ditmars Boulevard in Astoria, and Eros needs some special ambrosia from Zeus, ambrosia that will allow him to keep Annie with him forever.

Unfortunately, Zeus doesn’t seem too inclined to play.

Dion shifted. “You’re joking.”

His father glanced at him. “It would solve the problem.”

“For you, maybe. You’d love for Ross to give up his immortality. You’ve always been worried that he’ll challenge you for top god one of these days. He’s the god of love, and everyone wants love. You’re just the god of thunder, and nobody cares about that.”

Zeus’s nostrils flared. On the TV screen, thunder boomed and lightning flashed. The players scattered as hail the size of snowballs pelted the field.

“Big deal,” Dion said. “So you can make it snow.”

So there you have it. My Top 5 favorite moments from Tall, Dark and Divine. Hope you’ve enjoyed the quick view into the book!

****

HAH! You thought that was all, didn’t you? Well you’re WRONG! This is part of a whole big thing, blog tour, giveaway, the whole nine yards! Tall Dark and Divine Banner

Here’s the deets and how to enter!

Prizes (who doesn’t love prizes?)

1 Sweet Prize Pack including a “Follow Your Passion” bracelet, a Sugar Cookie candle, and a eBook of Tall Dark and Divine (US ONLY)

3 eBooks of Tall Dark and Divine (International)

How to enter:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Today’s post is brought to you by…

Far too little sleep. And possibly sugar. If I’m lucky, anyway.

It’s been a lot of book reviewing here lately and not much else. Which, all things considered, is only half reflective of what I’ve been doing with my time.

Yes, there’s been a ton of reading. Sort of makes sense and all, seeing as how I do that writing thing and I’ve been reading since I could say beer. Don’t ask me why the two are related, because they’re probably not at all.

Other things!

TV. Yes, I know it’s a time sink with little to no redeeming value, but darnit, I love my shows!

Started watching BSG (the new one) for the first time ever. A put it on and said “It’s good. Watch.” So I did. Way less cheesy than I remember the original (via reruns, thank you, I am not THAT old) being. Pretty darn good actually. I love Boomer and I don’t CARE if she’s a toaster. So HAH! We’re almost to the end of season two. After we’re done with BSG, I’m gonna make A watch Caprica with me again, cause I really liked that, too. It makes perfect sense to me that drug dealer Jesus (also known as Eric Stoltz – don’t judge, that’s really what he looks like in Pulp Fiction) would be the one to start us on the road to destruction. Sort of like the people who invented Watson (I for one, welcome our new computer overlords) have laid the groundwork for Skynet.

We’re also watching Hell’s Kitchen, OF COURSE!! I’m calling Mary or Jon. Gordon Ramsay is the poo. And then there’s all that drama from Kitchen Nightmares. Seriously people, why ask to be on the show if you don’t really want him to fix your shit? He’s Gordon f***ing Ramsay. Trust me when I tell you that he knows more about running a restaurant than you do.

The day job has been… interesting to say the least. I know that I was tearing my hair out when I was juggling all the management, but I can honestly say that I’d rather go back to that than deal with the inanity I have now. I guess details will have to wait for the individual causing the havoc to be immortalized as a character in a book. Cause good grief. The person is almost unbelievable.

There are probably other things. Like A and I saw Iron Man 3. OMG! Loooved it. Need to do so many TV and movie reviews. Obviously I need to win the lottery so that I can update all the stuff I need to. Yeesh.

Special treat tomorrow! And on the 22nd. Guest blogs from Jenna Bennett and Diane Alberts. Squeee! I love guest blogs. And their books. You should totally go read their books!

And so that this post isn’t beyond boring… I leave you with:

avenger-dogs

A Riveting Affair – Steampunk Anthology

View the details here.

Once upon a time, someone told me: There’s no market for steampunk.

Yes, that really happened. And I believe, as I did then, that person was full of poop. And to them I wish a hearty round of this song. arivetingaffair

All that having been said, I got the opportunity through (what else!) Twitter to read and review A Riveting Affair. Honestly, they had me at steampunk.

The first story in the anthology is Beauty and the Clockwork Beast by Lily Lang. If I hadn’t already been thrilled by the steampunk theme, leading off with a fairy tale retelling would have totally sold me on this. As it was, this was an amazing story to lead off with. I won’t post spoilers and everyone knows about how this story should go. So let me say that I loved the way Ms. Lang adapted one of my favorite fairy tales.

It’s daunting in a short story to really explore characters in depth and get into the core of what makes them tick. Ms. Lang does an amazing job of conveying the anguish that makes Sebastian the “beast” in need of saving. Rose is a delightful and strong young woman. Her compassion and determination help start the healing process and set the stage for a happily ever after that left me warm and fuzzy.

The Clockwork Bride by Patricia Eimer is a terrifically fun little story of marrying in haste and falling in love at leisure.

Aida crashes a masquerade ball thrown by her father’s nemesis after being dumped very publically. She may not have been in love with her fiance, but it was still a blow to her ego. So when said nemesis’ son whisks her away and suggests they get married, she agrees. Why not? Julian is handsome, a scientist, and makes her tingle. What could go wrong?

When Aida finally realizes that she’s desperately, if unfashionably, in love with her husband, she has to rescue him from his overbearing father. They prove that nothing, not even a fire breathing dragon, can stand in the way of true love. There’s all kinds of awesome to love in this story!

Demon Express by Candace Havens is like steampunk Buffy. The unnatural creatures of the night, engineered by her ex-fiance, are no match at all for Maisy. Things get a little hairy when were-panthers get involved, not to mention the handsome Marshall who gets in the way of her investigation. If she can just keep her allergies and wild attraction to Jake Calloway under control, everything will turn out just fine.

The action doesn’t stop in this story and there’s room for more stories set in Maisy’s gritty world.

I really enjoyed reading all three of the short stories by these talented ladies. They were a great blend of steampunky goodness and touching heartwarming romance. A Riveting Affair is a definite must read if you’re looking for romance with a twist to it.

Looper

View the details here.

This movie made me squee my pants from the very first preview. Time travel? Check. Bruce Willis? Check. Robin Probably Nightwing The New Batman Cobra Commander Cameron Best ever fight scene in Inception Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Check.

So yeah, this was a must see from the get go.

Borrwed from http://fizzygrrl.com/ GO THERE!

Borrwed from http://fizzygrrl.com/ GO THERE!

The premise was just awesome. Time travel and killing people is illegal. So of course the criminals use time travel to cover up killing people. Cause if you kill them before they’re even born, how can it possibly be a crime? Right? Also, no body.

“Clearly, your honor, I can’t have done anything wrong.”

I have to give them mad kudos. I really thought that was going to be the whole of the movie. But those sneaky little brats got looperme. And I loved it!

Nope. No spoilers. You need to run right out and watch this movie if you haven’t already.

I like it when I can’t see the ending coming. Not that I didn’t see the ending coming. I did. But I didn’t see the movie taking the sharp right turn from what I expected it to be about to get to the ending that I eventually saw coming once I realized that the movie was about something entirely different than what I thought it was to start. (You can breathe now. And yes, I said that all in one breath in my head as I was typing it. Thus, you should read it the same way.)

I love the moral question at the heart of the movie. I totally dig stuff like that. (One of the reasons that I like the Saw movies, too.) Sure, it’s an easy question to answer when you’re watching the movie. Right? But if you sit and really think about it, what would I do in that situation? Do I have that kind of moxie? Hmmm. Good question. I’d like to think I do.A thinks he would too. I’m more certain that A would than I would, cause I’m just selfish like that. Not really, but it’s much funnier that way.

Then there was the whole make-up thing. The people who did the make-up totally deserve an award for making Cobra Commander look like Bruce Willis. Cause seriously. WOW. Freaking wow. I was so impressed. So was A.

That the acting was amazing should really go without saying. So don’t make me say it, or I’ll throw popcorn at you.

Also, my buddy from Raising Hope popped in for a bit. I just love him. He’s hysterical. “Remember that one time that you shaved my junk?” Watch the show, you’ll giggle. I swear.

The too long; didn’t read version: WATCH THIS MOVIE! ZOMG!!1!one!11!!eleven! Seriously, it’s really good. I was all warm and fuzzy at the end.