Looper

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This movie made me squee my pants from the very first preview. Time travel? Check. Bruce Willis? Check. Robin Probably Nightwing The New Batman Cobra Commander Cameron Best ever fight scene in Inception Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Check.

So yeah, this was a must see from the get go.

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The premise was just awesome. Time travel and killing people is illegal. So of course the criminals use time travel to cover up killing people. Cause if you kill them before they’re even born, how can it possibly be a crime? Right? Also, no body.

“Clearly, your honor, I can’t have done anything wrong.”

I have to give them mad kudos. I really thought that was going to be the whole of the movie. But those sneaky little brats got me. And I loved it!

Nope. No spoilers. You need to run right out and watch this movie if you haven’t already.

I like it when I can’t see the ending coming. Not that I didn’t see the ending coming. I did. But I didn’t see the movie taking the sharp right turn from what I expected it to be about to get to the ending that I eventually saw coming once I realized that the movie was about something entirely different than what I thought it was to start. (You can breathe now. And yes, I said that all in one breath in my head as I was typing it. Thus, you should read it the same way.)

I love the moral question at the heart of the movie. I totally dig stuff like that. (One of the reasons that I like the Saw movies, too.) Sure, it’s an easy question to answer when you’re watching the movie. Right? But if you sit and really think about it, what would I do in that situation? Do I have that kind of moxie? Hmmm. Good question. I’d like to think I do.A thinks he would too. I’m more certain that A would than I would, cause I’m just selfish like that. Not really, but it’s much funnier that way.

Then there was the whole make-up thing. The people who did the make-up totally deserve an award for making Cobra Commander look like Bruce Willis. Cause seriously. WOW. Freaking wow. I was so impressed. So was A.

That the acting was amazing should really go without saying. So don’t make me say it, or I’ll throw popcorn at you.

Also, my buddy from Raising Hope popped in for a bit. I just love him. He’s hysterical. “Remember that one time that you shaved my junk?” Watch the show, you’ll giggle. I swear.

The too long; didn’t read version: WATCH THIS MOVIE! ZOMG!!1!one!11!!eleven! Seriously, it’s really good. I was all warm and fuzzy at the end.

Pitch Perfect

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Singing. Acapella. Romance. Fitting in. Music nerds. Fat Amy. What’s NOT to love?

When I first saw the previews for this, I was excited. It had all sorts of things that I love with the whole of my nerdly little heart. But then I started second guessing myself. What if they do the old bait and switch on me like Glee did? Then I’ll be all broken-hearted again. So I tucked it away to think about later.

I love Anna Kendrick. She’s just adorable all over the place. She’s also five feet nothing and cute as a button. And omg, girlfriend can SING. I was stunned. I love it when actors can actually for reals sing in their movies. (I think that’s because I was in choir for most of high school, even though I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.) I loved her character and the way she got sucked into the whole acapella thing even though she didn’t want to.

I also love Brittany Snow. She’s another one who’s just too cute for words (and I think she looks better as a ginger than a blond). It took me a while to figure it out, but I knew her from Harry’s Law (which I loved) with her red Chevy Malibu with the iPod dock and her love of expensive shoes. She gives a brilliant performance in Pitch Perfect. Like seriously. Her whole shower thing slayed me. Also, nodes.

The other selling point, besides the whole acapella thing (have I mentioned that I’m a total nerd for stuff like that?) was Rebel Wilson. She has some of the most hysterical lines in the movie and I loved her in Bridesmaids (another movie I was meh about until I saw it and giggled like a moron over). Even if the rest of the movie sucked (which it doesn’t), it would be worth watching just for her performance.

So this weekend when A said “Let’s watch this,” I went “Okay,” cause really, how bad could it be?

It wasn’t.

I can’t even do my usual good, bad, and ugly thing here. There was nothing bad or ugly about this movie for me. Nothing but good. It tickled my funny bone and had characters I could relate to. It was also sweet, without hurting my teeth and being overly sappy. And the singing! Omg. Don’t even get me started. I seriously want to get this movie on my phone so I can watch it every day. That is how much I adore this. It’s right up there with the eyecandy buffet that is The Avengers.

I’ll just let that sink in for a second.

A totally unexpected awesome came in the form of Hana Mae Lee, who played Lilly. She had the rest of the most hysterical lines in the movie and they were all delivered in the tiniest, almost inaudible voice you can imagine. Which was what made it even more hilarious for me. My stomach hurt when I first figured out what she was saying.

This is one of those awesome, feel good, coming of age sort of movies that just leaves you happy when you’re done watching it. I understand that not everyone has my particular tastes, but if you do, this is such a must see.

I’m not joking about getting it on my phone so I can watch it daily.

End of Watch

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So this weekend we watched End of Watch. I wasn’t sure about what I thought about it when we saw the previews, but I was willing to give it a go. I mean, Jake Gyllenhaal is a pretty darn good actor. He isn’t eye candy for me, but that’s okay. Not everyone can be Chris Evans, after all.

No spoilers, since this one is still newish.

There are two cops and one of them has this weird filming everything fetish. (So there’s a lot of that home movie quality to the filming, which I don’t really care for, but they didn’t do the nasty Blair Witch thing, so I can deal.) The movie follows these guys on their patrols and what they encounter on a daily basis. Let me just say right now, some of this is just heartbreaking.

Outside of work, Jake Gyllenhaal meets and gets all squishy about Anna Kendrick (the cute girl from Scott Pilgrim and Twilight). It’s sweet and I appreciate that they show their lives outside of the job. It makes it a more human story and makes you care more about the characters. Of course, it also sets you up for some serious water works at the end.

The boys stumble on some ugly happenings and run afoul of some very nasty drug people. From there, it’s fairly obvious what’s going to happen, and it does.

Yeah, I totally cried at the end. Bastards. On the plus side, they ended the movie with a very happy and touching scene. I like that they did this, cause it let me get over being all weepy and left me feeling uplifted, rather than depressed.

The good:

Pretty much everything. I liked the story, the acting was good, and it spotlighted what cops deal with without being preachy about it. Since I have a good deal of respect for cops, I like it when movies show them in a positive light, rather than villianizing them in some effort to appeal to the whole counter culture thug crap that’s going around right now.

The bad:

The only thing I hated was the camera style, but even that fit with the story, so I dealt.

Overall:

See this. Take tissues, you’ll need ’em. Get ice cream afterwards, cause you’ll need that too.

Breaking Dawn – Part 2

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You had to know it was coming. If Twilight and all things related turns your tummy, please surf away now. I don’t want to have to clean tossed cookies off the blog. It’s messy and smells grody.

I am also commenting on the books, since I can’t really talk about the culmination of the movie franchise, without talking about the books that spawned it all.

I will preface my review with this: I rag on Twilight. Like a lot. Really a lot. It makes me giggle and I have a good time doing it. However, I enjoy the series because it entertains me. As I’ve said before, it’s like mental junkfood. Sure, most of the time I want something better. But, like my love of cheesy, fabubad sci-fi movies, I also dig angsty, emoance. It’s like sitting on the couch in my jammies and getting my Cheetos and Redi-Whip on.

Now! On to the movie.

Anyone who knows anything about Twilight knows that this is the last big show down. Bella is finally a vampire (something she’s wanted since she figured out that Edward sparkled like a disco ball) and has given birth to a half-human, half-vamp child. Having vampire children is bad, mmkay? (Not to mention how does one sire a child when cellularly frozen?) And is a grand reason for the vampire hit squad, also known as the Volturi, to come and get medieval on your ass.

That’s the movie in a nutshell.

The Good:

It’s Twilight. It’s like crack for my moody-feel-like-crap-and-need-angsty-teen-drama-to-feel-better-about-life days. Sue me, I find it amusing. There’s a TON of material in here for a grand mock fest. Dog, disco, and creepy kid jokes flew through my head (yes, some spilled out of my mouth too, I’m only human).

Kristen Stewart almost had an expression on her face. I was so proud. *wipes a little tear*

They finally gave Jasper and Edward halfway decent hair.

I got to make the contractually obligated no-shirt joke from Vampires Suck.

I got to fill in internal dialogue for the characters.

They beefed up the ending. I actually highly approve of the deviation from the text, because it made sense and was just fun.

Alice, Emmett, Jasper – My favorite characters from the series.

The Bad:

Not enough screen time for my favorite characters.

I’d say the acting was lackluster, but really, there’s only so much you can do. *shrug*

Creepy ass CGI half-vamp kid. Seriously, she creeped me out in the Pet Semetary way. Ugh.

I got the feeling that everyone was just really ready for it to be over and done with. Not that I can blame them 🙂

Inconsistency. If you’re gonna make a big to do about the fact that the vampires have to live in overcast, cloudy places and avoid the sunlight because they sparkle like Tinkerbell on speed, THEN THEY BLOODY WELL BETTER SPARKLE IN THE GORRAM SUN. Seriously.

Overall:

Mockery aside, I was entertained. Not in the Avengers sense, obviously, but still entertained. At the end of the day, that’s what matters. I didn’t want my time back and I would cheerfully watch it again.

For more in depth analysis, read my thoughts on the books.

What did you think of the final installment of the Bella saga?

Dredd 3D

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So I love the Stallone version of Judge Dredd. It’s campy and fun and full of one line groaners. I watch it any time I flip past it on TV, just because it’s a good time.

That having been said…

This movie was tons better. It was dark and gritty and really conveyed the dangers of the world that Dredd lives in. Why there is a need for judges in the first place.

I loved the story and the character growth in Olivia Thirlby’s character.

A didn’t love the fact that I had to look up on IMDB who was playing Ma-Ma, because I swore up and down that it was Cersei Lannister, but he wasn’t so sure, but I so totally was. I was right btw. I shoved my phone in his face to show him. Yeah, he didn’t really appreciate that. It’s probably a good thing the theatre was not full at all. It’s one of the benefits of living in a very small town.

And then of course, there was Karl Urban. He’s been nothing but awesome in my book since he played Eomer, who was one of my favourite characters in the Lord of the Rings. But then he played Dr. McCoy. And that was even better, cause oh-em-gee he was fantastic.

He was a great Dredd too. Not that I know what Dredd was like in the comics, cause I never read them. I just know that I really liked his performance and felt like he just made the movie. Tough as nails, is the phrase that comes to mind. Seriously, Dredd was a badass. And Anderson wasn’t really shabby once she got her groove on, either.

I also really enjoyed the special effects. The water drops dancing and sparkling when she (Ma-Ma) was on the drug was just beautiful. Except for that whole being on drugs thing. That’s a big no-no. Don’t do it, kids. But the visual effect was just amazing.

It was totally worth the price of admission and had the added benefit of getting my theatre popcorn fix. My apologies to the poor counter lady who had to butterize my popcorn, btw. The old-fashioned pumpy thing must be a pain in the hinie, especially when someone like me comes along and wants every single kernel of corn as saturated with yummy artery clogging goodness as possible. Just know, you did it perfectly.

Btw, spellcheck thinks that I spell poorly. Which is funny, because the word that I was worried about, was right. Just not all the ones that I refuse to change, cause darn it, they’re right.

Also, wordpress is once again doing that thing where it doesn’t want to let me add links. Or pictures. Or tags. Fortunately, I’m smarter than it is and can do these things anyway. But still. I don’t really understand why wordpress hates the movies that I like. I think it’s a conspiracy.

Snow White and the Huntsman

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Background: I love fairy tales. I love movies. I love movies based on fairy tales. I’m also partial to Chris Hemsworth anyway I can get him.

I’m also a fan of Charlize Theron who, I’m pretty sure, is breaking several laws by being too darn pretty.

I don’t hate Kristen Stewart. In fact, I’m sorta rooting for the poor kid here and there. One day, with time and maturity, I’m fairly certain she’ll develop into a decent actress. One with more than three expressions. But she’s already got constipated down, so she could totally star with Jackie Chan and his amazing tux.

I was really excited when this was announced, as I particularly enjoy when fairy tales take a turn for the dark and gritty like they used to be before animation and Disney. Not that I don’t adore Disney…

I was less excited about Kristen Stewart being in it, but Twilight is totally one of my emo day guilty pleasure movies, so I was all for it.

My thoughts:

It didn’t suck.

It was a different take on the whole Snow White story and overall I liked it. Plus, Chris Hemsworth.

Where I took issue. While, once again, I don’t hate Kristen Stewart and I firmly believe that her private life and screw-ups as a barely not a teen anymore with about the same likely maturity level if my experiences at her age are anything to go by are none of mine or anyone else’s business, I really don’t think she’s in the same beauty class as Charlize Theron and I call it a huge writing flaw to say she is. (That sentence reads better if you do it all in one breath like I did in my head when I was writing it.)

The rousing join me in the fight to regain our kingdom speech was utter crap. This is not on Kristen. This was just flat out bad writing. Mental note, writing whilst drunk = that god awful speech.

Things I liked. I liked the nod to the whole ruler being tied to the health of the land mythology. It made me happy. Also, Chris Hemsworth.

Overall, I enjoyed watching it. I believe A did too, in spite of my babbling. I was entertained and didn’t want the time back, so I call it a win.

Also, Charlize Theron eating birdy hearts was creepifying in the extreme. She’s a really good crazy, bad guy sort of actress.

Men In Black III

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So, I loved MIB. It was so much fun and had some great moments of hilarity. It was fresh and witty. MIB II was… eh. It wasn’t the worst movie ever, but it really didn’t live up to the first movie, as is often the case with sequels.

I wanted to see MIB III just because. It’s sort of like pokemon. Gotta watch em all. But I didn’t have high expectations. I know how these things work.

Much to my personal joy, it was terrific! I giggled like a loon during several scenes, not the least of which was when J and a much younger K go to meet up with Andy Warhol, who just happens to be Agent W. Yeah, he doesn’t really love his job. Who can blame him?!

No spoilers here, since this is a recent release.

I’ll sum up with:

K has pissed off a big nasty, who decides to eliminate him in the past. He suddenly disappears and J is the only one who remembers him.

In an effort to save his partner, J has to go back in time and work with K as a younger man. Now, I will say straight up: Josh Brolin NAILS Tommy Lee Jones. Like seriously. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that it really was a younger TLJ. It was a fantastic performance.

The movie had good writing to compliment some really stellar performances. And for my sappy self, the overall feel good ending was well worth seeing.

This is definitely going into my movie library for keeps.

The Strangers

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(Note: I had this completely typed up and just as I liked it. Then I tried to insert the link to the IMDB page and the entire thing disappeared. So  now I’m cranky. Grrr.)

Yes, this movie came out in 2008 and I’m just now watching it.

Why is that? Honestly, because I loathe Liv Tyler. I couldn’t tell you why, there’s just something about her that irks me. It isn’t really her fault. I like movies that she’s been in, but not because of her. And while I won’t refuse to see a movie she’s in, I tend to resist seeing it unless it’s something like The Lord of the Rings, but that’s for another post.

Since The Strangers is four years old, the statute of spoilers is well past. If you haven’t seen it for whatever reason, tough jellybeans (see HOP).

So the story is: Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman are leaving a wedding and heading to a remote vacation house. They’re not speaking because he’s proposed and she has, obviously, declined.

Sidebar: This is one of my pet peeves. How dare you propose to your whatever at someone else’s wedding? That is a celebration of them and their love. Don’t upstage them because you need to be the center of attention. Bugger off. Not saying that’s what happened in this movie, because he waited til they’d left and were outside in private, so thank you for that.

He calls a buddy to come pick him up, beause things didn’t work out quite right. There are a lot of awkward silences and sort of conversations while they try to wrap themselves around the change in relationship status. At one point, they seal their horror movie fate by almost getting it on.

Then they really seal their fate by answering the damn door. It’s 4am, people. Unless you are expecting someone, you don’t answer the door at 4am. Seriously. At least, I don’t. And I really won’t ever be doing so now. Ever.

What ensues is a whole lot of psychological torture and terrorizing of the poor schlubs who were (let’s be honest now, they opened the door, it’s their own damn fault), unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the way wrong time.

Liv Tyler asks why the psychos are doing this. One of them responds, “Because you were home.” Yeah, that right there? That’s why you leave the door locked and go about your make-up sex in peace and quiet.

At any rate, while the movie was totally predictable, it was sufficiently creepy to require a viewing of Daffy Duck as Robin Hood to make sleep happen.

I wouldn’t have paid to see it in theatres, but now that it’s freely available, it’s worth a viewing.

Oh, and don’t forget to not be home when strange people knock on your door at 4am. Trust me on this.

Cabin in the Woods

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I love a good horror movie.  Hell, I love a bad horror movie.  Then there’s a whole new category of fabubad horror movies.

That alone would have been enough for me to see Cabin in the Woods.  Add to the mix that Joss Whedon (who has god status in my little world) wrote and Chris Hemsworth (who is quite simply divine) stars and you have yourself a combination that ensures my love, even if the film proves utter crap.

It’s starts off pretty much as expected.  College-age kids head off to an isolated cabin in the middle of nowhere for some good clean fun.  Anyone who has ever seen a slasher flick knows what’s going to happen.  Someone drinks, someone has (or attempts to have) sex, everyone dies, the end.  Right?

Well… Not exactly.  See, there’s a twist here.

I don’t do spoilers, so I won’t go into too much detail.  But not everything is as it seems.  There are other forces at work than just crazy, random happenstance.

There’s a very specific purpose to this scenario and the players were chosen to fit certain roles.

So as the movie goes on, all of this unfolds (along with Chris Hemsworth being just awesomely biteable). While it initially looks like a typical slasher flick, the subtext is all kinds of awesome. In true Joss fashion, the ending is not what you expected at all.

The visuals are great and the mood is perfectly creepy throughout. There’s one scene where they’re cycling through all the possible horror flick bad guys that is right out of one of my nightmares. Another scene puts the blood wave in the hallway bit from The Shining to shame, but is balanced by some hysterically funny zombie snacking. At least, I found it hysterical. Some folks fear that I may be sick in the head.

There’s also the inevitable psychological by-play that I expect in anything Joss touches. How exactly do you deal with it when your job is to kill people? It’s all about coping, right?

The way the story plays out and the ending are fantastic and skyrocketed this movie to my top ten list.

Did I mention Chris Hemsworth?