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Playing a new game!

Wildstar just released. Think Firefly with cute bunny eared critters and such.

A full review will probably find its way here in the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, I thought I’d entertain the four people who read this with a couple of actual text message conversations spawned by my time in Wildstar thus far.

Oh and *puts on braggy pants* my buddy Stargrace is the CM for the game. Yeah, that’s right. Be envious!

WARNING!!! Contains profanity. Cause I get irksome.

***

me: Trying to get to Thayd. But these guys are needy f*ckers and keep adding more tasks to my list.

They’re all like, well since you’re there…

And I’m like omg get your own damn eggs!

A: lol

me: And they’re all, come on. It’s a couple of flower petals. What could go wrong?

And I’m like omg fine. But after this shwarma. And then the flower’s guardian spirit jumps my ass.

And I’m like f*ck shwarma. You bitches owe me lobster.

A: lmao

me: And then they’re all, oooh look! You leveled. And I’m like goddamn right bitches. Cause you had me killing every living thing on the f*cking planet. What kind of hippie treehuggers are you?!?!?

Space monkeys.

Terrifying space monkeys. Killed me.

A: lmao

me: Oh sure. Laugh it up.

You weren’t covered in space monkey poop.

***

If you’re getting the notion that my tribulations provide endless amusement… You’d be right. Now, pardon me, while I go deal some serious revenge killing on some pixilated space monkeys.

Things that scare me…

There will be no pictures in this particular post.

Cause while these things scare the bejeesus out of me, I can look at pictures without a panic attack. But some of my online friends cannot.

And screwing with someone’s phobias is mean. Don’t do it.

Anywho. I don’t like bugs and other creepy crawlies. There are exceptions, of course. Lady bugs are adorbs. I rather enjoy pill bugs too, cause they’re cute.

But as a general rule, I have issues with anything that has more than four legs.

The ultimate in creepy, crawly things that will make me scream like a little girl = Spiders. These things aren’t of this earth. I’m absolutely certain they are some sort of alien spy, figuring out our weaknesses and plotting the invasion and ultimate enslavement (read: making us food) of the planet.

I watch that one part of LotR with my hands over my eyes, or I just get up and wander out of the room for a minute.

There’s a reason for this!

When I was nine, we were living in a rural place that just begged for child eating critters to sneak in and nom my limbs in my sleep. There was always something with too many legs hanging around. I coped okay, stomping upon them with extreme prejudice. Until…

My bathroom was all tile and the shower took up a whole wall. Not like a shower/tub combo. A huge open shower, with a little wall to shield it from the rest of the bathroom. It was also slightly sunken, so that I didn’t flood the bathroom every time I showered. Incidentally, it was also pink and this might have something to do with my aversion. Just saying.

I was innocently showering one evening. All lathered up and bubbly. MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!! And over there, against the far wall, a huge spider decided to take its evening constitutional. In. My. Bathroom.

I usually have a live and let live policy here. I don’t bug the critters, as long as they stay in their area, which is NOT IN THE HOUSE. Once they set multiple legs inside, I have the right to smoosh.

So, of course, I smacked it with a shampoo bottle.

That really should have been the end of things, and I lived happily ever after, blah blah blah.

Yeah no.

The little bastard BURST spewing millions of baby spiders all over the wall and floor. And if that isn’t enough to cause terror in the heart of any child, I don’t know what is. Unless of course it’s Tim Curry crawling out of a freaking drain. But that’s a whole different post.

There I was, huddled in the corner farthest from the nasty spider invaders, screaming like I was being murdered. My grandparents came running in to see who was killing me. My grandfather (obviously a very smart man) took one look at the spiders, did an about face, and hauled ass out of the bathroom, leaving my grandmother to dispose of the eight-legged terrors and calm the screaming child.

I can’t really blame him. I’d have run and left me to die, too.

So there you have it folks. I will scream like nobody’s business over a spider. Fake spiders. Real spiders. Spider pictures. You name it, I need a flamethrower to kill it.

How about you?

Today’s post is brought to you by…

Far too little sleep. And possibly sugar. If I’m lucky, anyway.

It’s been a lot of book reviewing here lately and not much else. Which, all things considered, is only half reflective of what I’ve been doing with my time.

Yes, there’s been a ton of reading. Sort of makes sense and all, seeing as how I do that writing thing and I’ve been reading since I could say beer. Don’t ask me why the two are related, because they’re probably not at all.

Other things!

TV. Yes, I know it’s a time sink with little to no redeeming value, but darnit, I love my shows!

Started watching BSG (the new one) for the first time ever. A put it on and said “It’s good. Watch.” So I did. Way less cheesy than I remember the original (via reruns, thank you, I am not THAT old) being. Pretty darn good actually. I love Boomer and I don’t CARE if she’s a toaster. So HAH! We’re almost to the end of season two. After we’re done with BSG, I’m gonna make A watch Caprica with me again, cause I really liked that, too. It makes perfect sense to me that drug dealer Jesus (also known as Eric Stoltz – don’t judge, that’s really what he looks like in Pulp Fiction) would be the one to start us on the road to destruction. Sort of like the people who invented Watson (I for one, welcome our new computer overlords) have laid the groundwork for Skynet.

We’re also watching Hell’s Kitchen, OF COURSE!! I’m calling Mary or Jon. Gordon Ramsay is the poo. And then there’s all that drama from Kitchen Nightmares. Seriously people, why ask to be on the show if you don’t really want him to fix your shit? He’s Gordon f***ing Ramsay. Trust me when I tell you that he knows more about running a restaurant than you do.

The day job has been… interesting to say the least. I know that I was tearing my hair out when I was juggling all the management, but I can honestly say that I’d rather go back to that than deal with the inanity I have now. I guess details will have to wait for the individual causing the havoc to be immortalized as a character in a book. Cause good grief. The person is almost unbelievable.

There are probably other things. Like A and I saw Iron Man 3. OMG! Loooved it. Need to do so many TV and movie reviews. Obviously I need to win the lottery so that I can update all the stuff I need to. Yeesh.

Special treat tomorrow! And on the 22nd. Guest blogs from Jenna Bennett and Diane Alberts. Squeee! I love guest blogs. And their books. You should totally go read their books!

And so that this post isn’t beyond boring… I leave you with:

avenger-dogs

For Anna

So there’s this lovely woman on twitter. Her name is Anna Meade. She dresses like Hermione Granger for Halloween and she’s a Dark Fairy Queen. She’s also getting married, sings, and is totally adorable.

Being a writerly type, it only makes sense that she has a writerly type bridal shower online with other freaky people.

Because I heart her tons, here’s my entry!

Moss flitted between the three tables of fairies making wedding favors. Everything had to be perfect, not just because she was coordinating the wedding of the year, but because the Dark Fairy Queen was the one getting married! If ever there was a time for perfection, this was it.

“Excuse me. Are you or are you not supposed to be making sugar swans?” Moss tapped her dainty foot and glared about her. “These look more like ducks! DO IT AGAIN!”

Checking her list, she drifted past the other tables. Snowdrop and bluebell centerpieces were coming along nicely, as were little balls of nectar shaped into small suns.

“Um, Moss? I’m not quite sure… That is – I think there’s a problem.” Cowslip cringed and held out a note.

Snatching the leaf from her assistant, she read the note. With each word her face fell further and a dark cloud started to gather above her head. Moss’s delicate green-brown wings beat furiously.

“What do they MEAN no unicorns?!? There have to be unicorns! The whole opening ceremony depends on them!”

All the work stopped as her wail of despair carried through the meadow.

“It’s all ruined. We may as well call it all off right now!” Moss threw herself onto a tree stump and burst into tears.

Cowslip looked at her fellows for help, but none would meet her eyes. They bent industriously to their tasks, leaving the pale blue fairy to smooth everything over. Sighing and vowing to remember their cowardice, Cowslip settled gingerly next to Moss on the stump.

“You’re the best there is, Moss. This wedding will be splendid, with or without unicorns. All because of you.”

A small sniffle greeted her words.

Encouraged, Cowslip reached out and smoothed Moss’s tousled curls. “In fact, I just know that you’ll come up with something far better than some smelly unicorns. They’re probably not even house broken. Imagine if the Queen ruined a slipper in a pile of unicorn mess!”

A choking laugh escaped the pile of miserable fairy next to her.

Moss sat up and threw her arms around her friend. “I’ve been a little crazed, haven’t I?”

“Oh… not so very much.”

“Liar.” A radiant grin transformed Moss’s face. “You’re the best friend a fairy could have. I don’t know what I’d do without you!”

“Get buried by a distressed unicorn, no doubt.”

“Quite right! So we need something just as whimsical with much smaller droppings. What can we get in a hurry?”

“Size of droppings should always be a consideration in our planning from now on.” Cowslip’s face was perfectly straight. Not even the hint of a smile, although her eyes twinkled like stars.

Moss nodded. “Oh absolutely. I can’t believe that we didn’t think of it earlier.” She’d missed the joke entirely.

“I KNOW! We’ll use wombats! They’re soft and fuzzy and we’ll be able to corral them to minimize the chance of stepping in anything!”

“Yes, I’m sure that will be so much better.”

The crisis had been averted. For now. There were still four more days until the wedding and so much more could happen. Cowslip made a mental note to stock up her mother’s headache remedy. It was going to be a long week!

I am alive. Really!

I have a laundry list of excuses for why I haven’t updated in so long.

The only one that is really true is that I’ve been buried under work. Of course, right now I am totally neglecting some of that work to drop a note here to the 4 people who read my blog and let them know that I really am alive and haven’t forgotten them!

I owe you guys a couple of book reviews. It isn’t that I haven’t been doing book reviews, just ya know. Not for you guys.

But I promise that I will post at least one by the end of the week.

In other random news:

  • I was in a wedding. I think I look like a blueberry in my dress, but my friend (the bride, who I think is obligated to love me) thought I looked lovely, so there ya go.
  • I gave blood yesterday and you can still see the needle marks from where they stuck me and where they tested my iron levels.
  • I am watching The Following (review coming soon), Downton Abbey (also), and all my other shows (even though I’m really far behind and need to catch up.
  • I have watched The Life of Pi (liked it more than I thought I would), Silver Linings Playbook (yes, I know, I need to write reviews, I will STOP YELLING AT ME!), Rise of the Guardians (ohdeargodilovethissomuch), and a couple of other movies that I’ve forgotten right now.
  • I really am swamped with work.
  • I’m applying for new jobs because of aforementioned swampage (that and ya know, more munnies).
  • There are kittens on my porch that need a good home. They’re cotton balls with legs. Really cute ones!
  • I made a gingerbread house with my kiddo. In March. Cause that’s just how I roll.

I sincerely promise to post regularly once again in between gaming, crocheting, reading, working, and getting off my fat ass to write.

MWAH! *blows kisses*

Oh and since every post really SHOULD have a cute picture… Here. Have a bunny with a pancake on its head 🙂

bunny_pancake

Happy 2013!

It’s about that time.

New Year’s Eve! Although we can’t really ring in 2013 without Dick Clark. I’m pretty sure that it won’t be the same. So the Mayans were sort of right, right?

I mean, if we can’t call it 2013 (which we can’t without Dick Clark there to officially proclaim it), then it’s close enough to being the end of the world 😉 You don’t have to agree, just let me have it.

People do that whole resolutions thing about this time of the year. I try, from time to time, but let’s face it. I don’t stick to that stuff. Mostly cause my goals are nebulous and unrealistic. Besides. I’m perfect!

resolutions

Yeah, I can own it.

But I do have things I want to accomplish in 2013. So after many years of refusing to set myself year long goals that I know I won’t stick to, I’m sticking my toes in again.

So here we go!

1) I will walk no less than four days a week, anywhere from 2.5 to 5 miles.

I know that this seems like a very specific sort of thing, but it’s way better for me than “exercise”. Because the word exercise is yucky. Even thinking about it makes me think of about a hundred other things I could be doing than getting sweaty and out of breath. Not to mention the fact that I know full well what I look like when I try to “exercise”. So thank you, but no. We’ll go walkies.

2) I will write, daily, for at least an hour.

Blogging and twitter totally don’t count. Cause if Twitter counted, I’d be freaking Stephen King by now. Since I clearly am not, I should probably focus on the real writing, huh?

3) I will finish the rough draft of my novel by the end of June.

That gives me six more months to finish that nonsense. Which is good, cause what I’ve already written really needs some adjusting.

4) Play more video games!

Well it doesn’t really have to be more video games… Mostly just have more fun. Unwind more. I know it’s hard to believe, but I can sometimes get a little uptight and too wrapped up in details. I stress. So remembering to let go and loosen up a bit now and then is a good thing!

That’s it, really. Four things that I am fairly certain I can accomplish. Winning the lottery and stalking Chris Evans can wait for another year. Baby steps people. I mean if the lottery and Chris Evans happen to fall into my lap this year, I won’t complain or anything.

newyears

It’s the end of the world as we know it…

So today is supposed to be the end of the world. Yeah, I’ve heard that before.

The world was supposed to end on my 16th birthday. Didn’t happen.

Then there was all this bruhaha about the world ending today, the solstice (happy solstice btw), because the Mayan calendar ended today. Clearly it was some sort of message!

Umm. Yeah. The message was: My arms are tired from chiseling all this into stone. I’m done now. You guys can chisel your own shit for the next 2000 years, you lazy bitches.

At least, that’s what I got out of it.

There is one alternate explanation, though.

It’s entirely possible that today is the day that I get my long-coveted Phoenix Powers. Oh yeah. It’ll happen one day. I just know it. I figure I’m far more stable than Jean Grey, simply because I don’t pine after Scott “I’m a whingy bitch” Summers. Thus, I’d be a far more suitable choice for absolute power.

darkphoenix

There are some who believe that I would go Dark Phoenix in the blink of an eye and destroy the planet. Now, I know this would never happen, however, since there are some who think it, that could be the hidden meaning behind the end of the world nonsense!

I suggested this to AE (the bff from high school).

Her response should leave no questions as to which camp she falls into…

Me: I know why people think the world is ending today! I get my phoenix powers! I just know it!

AE: Um. Yeah. I hate to be the one to tell you this… But perhaps you should sit down…

Me: Wha?? No phoenix powers?

AE: So the Mayans had a carving. There was this woman riding a beast with wheels. Another person riding a beast with wheels angered her. The woman riding the beast with wheels destroyed the other person in a firey ugly way. There’s also a carving of a Mayan god shaking his finger as if to say “Nuh uh, no, no, no!” Close ups of the carving show that the woman’s beast with wheels had a little Mazda symbol on it. I’m not making any judgement calls. Just saying.

*sigh* I’m really sort of crushed. I thought for sure that today would be the day. But here it is, 7pm and still no alien symbiosis granting me absolute power.

Maybe on 11-12-13!

fanpop.com

fanpop.com